Dear reader, you may be wondering if every one of Diary’s columns will mention food. To that I say, mind your own business.
After a week of not-so-normal things, such as inflation hitting a 40-year high, a drought so severe it's prompted a hosepipe ban, and wages failing to match the rising cost of living, it’s safe to say that it's not been the jolliest of rides for anyone.
As such, Diary thought it was of utmost importance to lift the charity sector’s spirits with more inane matters, that involve food (obviously) and beloved pets. I would specify not together, but that’s not strictly true.
Dogs Trust dogs are made of…cupcakes?
Dogs Trust made a point to celebrate National Cupcake Day this week (which I’m sure we would all agree is a very necessary awareness day, Diary for one had never heard of such a treat and had to obtain some for research purposes).
You may be thinking: What exactly do cupcakes and dogs have in common? Before this week, Diary would not have been able to tell you. But on Wednesday, Dogs Trust took the opportunity to ask: If your dog were a cupcake, what would be their ingredients?
Apparently, Clyde is made up of 100g ‘snuggly’, 200g playful, 150g loving and definitely not flesh and bones like every other dog Diary has encountered.
If your dog was a cupcake what would they be made of? 🧁👇#CupcakeDay pic.twitter.com/VjcbhqdyUc
— Dogs Trust 💛🐶 (@DogsTrust) August 17, 2022
An impressed follower responded saying: “Mowgli loved nuts so chocolate nut.”
Whilst Diary isn’t entirely sure what this sentence means, one can point out that nuts are not great for dogs and chocolate most certainly is not. Diary is unsure as to what to do with this information. Host an intervention?
Multi-coloured corgis for sale
After Diary’s return last week, one reader said they were looking forward to more quirky cat and dog tales.
Beware, for Diary listens to these requests as avidly as if they were your charity sector fairy godmother, placed solely on this earth to grant your wishes. Now I’ve placed that disturbing image in your heads, we can begin.
Earlier this year, 19 corgi statues were placed around London as part of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations. Each were named after one of her dogs, and onlookers marvelled at the wonderful and sometimes hideous statues in equal measure.
Some just looked like a corgi, which was unoriginal, while others were splattered with lots of colour or had cabbages painted on them. (Because nothing screams monarchy like a cabbage).
Diary has now learned that since the Jubilee has passed, 17 of the corgi statues will be put up for auction this month with all sales going to charities. This columnist can't help wondering what happened to the other two. Did they run away? Did the Queen want them in the palace? So many questions.
Sentient being ‘n’ chips
There truly is no rest-bite from the cost-of-living crisis, as even the UK’s beloved fish and chips has taken a hit.
In March, the cost of white fish skyrocketed as a result of the war in Ukraine.
This week, BBC News reported a fish and chip shop owner saying they will need to charge £9.30 for cod and chips at least to put them into the same sort of profit. As expected, chaos ensued.
While some Twitter users said they would be going to Aldi for their fish and chips instead, some despairingly resorted to pleading: “Just don’t make profit then…please?”
Of course, it wouldn’t be the charity sector if it wasn't weighing in on the action.
PETA took the opportunity to urge its followers to “swap sentient beings ‘n’ chips” for any vegan options. They can never let us mourn in plaice.
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