Our weekly round-up of interesting and outlandish information, collected from the corners of the charity sector.

Are the Cabinet Office kid-ing?

Matt Hancock, minister for the Cabinet Office has been making waves in the voluntary sector this week for a surprisingly retro-reason.

He’s stepped in to save the “millennium-long tradition” of printing Acts of Parliament on vellum (parchment made from lamb or goat-calf skin), because, you know, priorities.

On 10 February, the House of Lords – not exactly a branch of government known for being particularly hip and up-to-date – decided that documents of state should henceforth be printed on boring, seemingly new-fangled, wood-pulped, garden-variety paper, in order to save £100,000 a year.

Hancock and his merry band of Cabinet Office antiquarians have since stepped in to save the day.

“Recording laws on vellum is a millennium-long tradition and surprisingly cost-effective,” said Hancock in an interview with the Daily Telegraph. “While the world constantly changes, we should safeguard some of our great traditions."

This story has done nothing to dissuade this column of its conviction that Matt Hancock is not actually a real person, but instead a composite creation of the Cabinet Office to be wheeled out whenever they make an unpopular or unfathomable decision; it is good to know that taxpayer’s hard-earned money will continue to go towards the brutal butchering and skinning of farmyard animals for, essentially, stationary.

It may also come as a crumb of comfort to those in the charity sector to know that, no matter how many times the Cabinet Office fluffs its lines when it comes to the voluntary sector, at least its not actively skinning, stretching and writing on street fundraisers.

Diary can’t help but feel for the kids here in all of this, though. Much like a marathon, it’s fair to say that these changes are going to be hardest on the calves.

The curious case of Kanye’s cash

Music producer, rapper, entrepreneur, ‘artiste’, fashion mogul; Kanye West is many things. However, according to a bizarre Twitter rant earlier in the week, he might also be completely broke.

 

 

Kanye West is in personal debt to the tune of $53m (£37m). Say it ain’t so! While Diary has yet to get its hands on a copy of West’s newest album – which ‘dropped’ earlier this week – long-time readers of this column might be surprised to know that Diary has a deep appreciation for Mr West’s back catalogue. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in particular was a boss record.

When Diary’s feeling a little skint, it usually scoops up all of the loose change lying around the house in a plastic bag and humps it down to the local Aldi. Needless to say, Kanye West isn’t doing any such thing. He’s used the power of social media to reach out to Mark Zuckerberg, Mr Facebook himself.

 

 

Oh, the brass one’s on this guy. The hubris of it all! Kanye West, asking Mark Zuckerberg, not for a couple of hundred quid to tide him over until payday, but for $1bn. Over £700m! Don't give it to charity, give it to me. I'll find a use for it.

Diary hadn't thought of this plan. Need cash? Don't bother earning it. Just ask Mark.

Hey, Mark, we need that money too. We need it to start a wombat farm, and establish the world's inaugural pogo stick half-marathon.

Also, there's a small independent publishing house for the charity sector in south London that's badly in need of a bigger drinks budget. 

P.S. Kanye, if you want to ask the founder of Facebook for a billion, maybe don't do it on Twitter.

The Wogmeister’s advice from beyond the grave

T.S. Eliot was wrong when he said that ‘April is the cruellest month’. That’s because Eliot never lived through the harrowing days of January just gone, in this, the year of our Lord 2016.

Oh, did we lose some good people in January: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, that guy from the Eagles. Dark days, both literally and figuratively.

Still, for some in the charity blogosphere, the biggest loss of all was that of notable broadcaster and Children in Need front-man Sir Terry Wogan, aka ‘The Wogmeister’, (apparently). Wogan’s place in the pantheon of charitable patrons is the stuff of legend. And, it seems, even in death, Sir Tez still has the interests of the voluntary sector at heart… if that’s the right word.

In a blog written this week, Lucy Gower, noted fundraising consultant and, according to her twitter profile ‘connector’, cited Sir Terry’s now famous 2006 interview with Hello magazine in which he justified his £800,000 a year salary from the BBC by saying: “The amount they said was true and I don’t give a monkey’s about people knowing it. Nor do I feel guilty. If you do the maths, factoring in my eight million listeners, I cost the BBC about 2p a fortnight. I think I’m cheap at the price.”

Gower then goes on to say that she would like to see “our charities and charity chief executives responding to the ongoing press rumblings about their salary figures with the same bold manner”. She even went on to provide a handy, pre-prepared response for said charity chief execs:

“The amount they said was true and I don’t give a monkey’s about people knowing it. Nor do I feel guilty. If you do the maths, factoring in the impact that <insert name of charity> has had on <insert cause charity exists to help> meaning that <insert specific example of impact> I think I’m cheap at the price.”

Interestingly, the former chief executive of Nuffield Health, David Mobbs, tried just that tactic, quoting El Tel and L'Oreal, and announcing he was worth the best part of a smoooth million a year "Because I'm worth it".

Strangely, chief executives of other charities have shied away from this. Diary's trying to work out why. Oh, yeah, maybe because it would be fundraising suicide.

Still, it might be worth doing just once, if only to see the look of apoplectic rage on Rob Wilson’s face.