Happy Friday dear readers. Politics in this country is, if last night’s local election results are anything to go by, utterly, completely broken. We’re going to be all trapped forever, in this quagmire of mediocracy and partisan rhetoric. Endlessly trying to invent words that basically mean the same as “customs” and “partnership” but are also, at the same time, both infinitely better and definitely nothing at all like either. Still the sun’s out, so that’s something.
This week in charity sector satire: An organisation called The British Monarchist Foundation has released a Harry and Meghan cryptocurrency, WWF are selling ridiculously expensive Ellie Goulding merch and Macmillan has a new dog of the week Instagram post.
When pounds just aren’t patriotic enough
Right, we start this week in the murky, digitised world of cryptocurrency and the news that Crown & Country magazine - the monthly “royal-themed luxury periodical” produced by the British Monarchist Society and Foundation - the country's premier royal charity, apparently; who knew there was even one? - has launched its own cryptocurrency called (and you’re not going to believe this) "ROYL".
How long did that name take to come up with?
Anyway there’s a lot to unpack here. For starters, there’s The British Monarchist Society and Foundation. Just visiting the Foundation’s website has threatened to turn Diary into a republican column - rather like the supports of the Arc de Triomphe.
The state of this. The absolute state of this homepage.
One does not simply fundraise or volunteer for the BMF. Oh no, that’d be a bit too common. One can instead become a member. Indeed, the BMF has “devised four new levels of membership, which makes membership affordable and attractive to all financial positions”. One dies inside.
Anyway, the aforementioned Crown & Country may have been named, Diary believes, after the magazine in Blackadder Goes Forth. It is the BMF’s own monarchy-themed periodical, which describes itself as an “extraordinary publication” which uniquely blends “royal themes, luxurious advertising and quality editorial” which, apparently, “does not expire”.
The mag is launching ‘ROYL’, its very own cryptocurrency, to celebrate the pending nuptials of the Ginger Prince. It is, in its own words, a “decentralised wedding gift” – because, as we in Britain know, the Royal family don’t get enough tax breaks.
The magazine is currently doing an ICO – "Initial Coin Offering" – and is calling on people to invest. So whether you’re a hard-nosed crypto-investor with an eye on the next big boom, or a (statistically speaking) elderly, white, monarchist who lives in the Home Counties and also happens to be, inexplicably, a tech-savvy blockchain enthusiast, then you too can “participate in the Royal Wedding”.
The magazine will be donating half of the funds raised to charities which have been confirmed as being in attendance at the reception in Kensington palace. The remaining proceeds will be invested back into ensuring that royal Crown & Country magazine continues to meet its high editorial standards in the future.
So there we are, anyway. You too can now support crypto-currency and the royal family, at the same time. Genius. Here's a silly video, in case you need more.
WWF. More like WTF, right?
Diary’s got to ask. What would you do if you had a spare seventy nine Great British pounds just lying around?
There are no wrong answers to this question. One definite right answer is: “buy a Daisy London X Ellie Goulding Gold Chain Bracelet from the WWF UK online store”.
Yes, WWF has teamed up with singer and noted Pantene shampoo enthusiast Ellie Goulding, to create and subsequently flog limited edition bracelets.
You might not know this, but Ellie Goulding hates the fact that super-rich capitalists are, despite all scientific evidence, ploughing on with the process of rendering Planet Earth completely uninhabitable for all life in the name of ever expanding profits.
If you, too, hate capitalism and climate change, then why not spaff nearly 80 of your heard-earned pounds on this bracelet, the wearing/owning of which shows that “you are supporting our fight against climate change”.
Hot dog!
Finally, on a somewhat more positive, less mania-inducing note, this column turns, as it seems to increasingly be forced to in the every darkening times, to viral dog content.
Last week, this column wrote about Macmillan’s new Instagram campaign #MacmillanPets, and how it was excellent. Last week, we all got to meet lovely Bertie, dressed up in his little Macmillan t-shirt, supporting Macmillan runners at the London Marathon. Talk about the Absolute Good Boy.
This week, we meet Daisy, a 7-month old working Cocker Spaniel and… LOOK AT HOW TINY AND ADORABLE SHE IS!
This column doesn’t know about you, dear readers, but if it spotted this little cutie out rattling a tin on the local high street, Diary would give LITERALLY ALL ITS MONEY AWAY FOR ONE STROKE OF DAISY’S TINY LITTLE FURRY FACE.
Good work Macmillan! Good work Daisy! Give yourselves a round of… apaws.
Related Articles
