Happy Black Friday, dear readers. It’s that special day of the year when we are all pressured into making panicked purchases of products nobody needs as gifts for people we don’t like in celebration of a religion many of us don’t follow. Or maybe that’s just Diary. Take a break from browsing bargains and let Diary fill you in on the week’s charity highlights.
This week, the men’s football World Cup began and various things were banned from it: beer, meek demonstrations of support for the LGBTQ+ community, and some English fans who decided it was a good idea to dress up as crusaders.
Meanwhile, in a stunt that attempted to halt David Beckham’s ambassadorial role with Qatar over its homophobia and human rights record, comedian Joe Lycett “shredded” £10,000 in protest.
However, this week he revealed he had fooled us all by donating the money to two LGBTQ+ charities instead.
Faux gras fit for a king
This week, King Charles was praised for banning foie gras from all royal residences during a cost-of-living crisis.
Hurrah! A man of the people, at last! How brave and noble of him to ban a delicacy that can cost up to £200 for its controversial creation process.
Animal rights charity PETA received a letter from the Royal Household confirming the ban.
The process of making the rich pate is to force-feed ducks or geese with too much food so they are fattened before slaughter.
PETA sent the King a hamper of ‘faux gras’, a vegan version of the pate, as a gesture of thanks for banning the food.
The King is yet to respond; whether this is because he found the fake pate a disgusting insult, or is too busy frantically throwing away his hidden stashes of foie gras, one cannot say.
And yesterday, the King made headlines again after telling a group of medical staff that he was “amazed” to be asked to be patron of the breast cancer charity Breast Cancer Now.
“Are you sure you want me?” he’d asked them, a question he is unlikely to ask his subjects before his coronation next year.
In the meantime, the Crown Prosecution Service is reviewing a police file into an investigation into one of the King’s charities, the Prince’s Foundation.
Paddingtons on the move
After the death of Queen Elizabeth II, over 1,000 Paddington’s and teddy bears were left outside Royal Residences as tributes to the late monarch.
Shortly afterwards, the Royal Family announced it would be donating the fluffy friends to Barnardo’s.
In a royal update, a little Paddington bear was shown to be signed by the Queen Consort and with a caption that said it was on its way to the children’s charity.
This columnist cannot help but think of this as a missed opportunity for a Toy Story-esque sequence of Paddington bears pretending to drive taxis or something else quintessentially British.
Perhaps a London bus? Or a beaten-up Ford Fiesta, for realism? But one presumes that the London Taxi Drivers’ Charity had enough on their hands with 1,000 bears to relocate to their new homes.
Hancock chose jungle over charity appearance
In other news, it was found that Matt Hancock – who is still slumming it in the Australian outback for £400,000, poor guy – cancelled a charity appearance to go on I’m A Celebrity.
People are rather upset about this for some reason.
Hancock had been due to speak at the British Dyslexia Association’s 50th anniversary. This is particularly ironic as he said he went on the reality TV show to raise the profile of dyslexia, a condition he has.
To be fair, the app creator did mention dyslexia in his final week in the now Covid-infected jungle. This columnist does understand it may be difficult to raise awareness of it when his mouth is so often preoccupied with eating various animals’ genitalia.
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