Glad tidings to you and your kin, dear readers, for the festive season has truly arrived.
Civil Society Towers’ halls are now decked with boughs of holly in anticipation of the annual visit of the world’s most mysterious philanthropist, Mr Santa Claus.
Not that Diary’s a humbug of course, especially when there are such fun charity-related gifts on offer this year.
Hot storage units
Behold, the “most boring calendar ever” produced by Access Self Storage with all proceeds going to Cancer Research UK.
What’s so drab about the product, you ask? Well, it’s 12 months of “the hottest storage units in the UK”. Tell me more, I hear you say. Go on then: January features a compact nine square feet locker in Fulham, a 200 sq ft drive up unit in Cricklewood adorns October, while “Mr December” is a maximum capacity 700 sq ft unit in Harrow.
At only five quid, and to a good cause, Diary could not resist getting one for their father-in-law, who loves to indulge in the mundane.
Hunger striking Santa
Elsewhere, a pair of Santa impersonators have been banned from posing as the jolly red giant for being too “right wing”, or so says the Daily Mail.
One rejected Santa, a 78-year-old Reform voter in Blackpool, told the paper his local community group stopped him from being Father Christmas at their grotto after he participated in a 40-day hunger strike over the summer to protest against “illegal” immigration.
Diary can’t help thinking that he might have just been rejected for being too skinny. If Christian Bale were cast as Papa Noel, he’d double in size and grow an appearance-altering beard in preparation. Perhaps Friends of Stanley Park should give the Batman star a ring.
Davey sings for charity
As you may have heard, Band Aid is back for its 40th anniversary and not everyone is happy about it (read more about it here).
Seeing as you asked, Diary’s tuppence worth is no matter what you think about the Do They Know It’s Christmas, at least it doesn’t bang on about sausage rolls.
Other charity singles are available this year, of course, including a song featuring Lib Dem leader Ed Davey (Boris Johnson for centrist dads).
Davey follows a summer of death-defying campaign stunts to join Bath Philharmonia’s Young Carers Choir to sing a sweet festive ditty called Love is Enough.
Diary has listened to the song and honestly can’t hear Davey’s voice, which might be a Christmas miracle.
Dench unwraps
And finally, Shakespearean actor Judi Dench showed her versatility by playing a twinkly-eyed older lady opening a cheeky selection of gifts on Christmas morning.
Playing herself in the advert for charity ShelterBox, the national treasure unwraps a selection of gifts including skimpy underwear, which she dismisses, saying “red is not my colour”.
She also tosses aside, with a wry smile, a glammed up, pink dustpan and brush. Diary will have to get her something else next year.
