Good day to you, our loyal column readers. Diary knows that you have been waiting, breathfully and fitfully, for another chance to read this column in all its glory, as it exposes wrongdoing and makes the world a better place.
This week, a bit uncharacteristically, we are mostly actually exposing wrongdoing. Specifically in the United States where it turns out that if you’re rich, and want to get richer, you can just ask other people to give money to your charity and then spend it on yourself.
So who are these apparent miscreants?
Donald Trump (of course)
It's not been a good week for everyone's favourite ludicrous tangerine ballbag. He sided with the Russian president over his own intelligent agencies. He was portrayed as a giant baby. And he got pwned by the queen, of all people, in the most deliciously subtle way.
Anyway, it got worse, with the revelation that if you gave money to Donald Trump’s charity, it looks like he would give it to the poor.
Sorry, we misspoke. We meant to say it looks like he wouldn’t give it to the poor. He’d just keep it.
Or that, at least, is the allegation under investigation by the New York State Department of Taxation and Finance, which has reportedly launched a probe into the Trump Foundation to find out what it did with all the money the foundation received, apart from spend it on doing up golf courses and buying a $10,000 portrait of the man himself. Which, it turns out, should not incur a tax break. Who knew?
What’s that? This is old news? You thought that the Trump Foundation was already under investigation?
Well, you are both right and wrong. The Trump Foundation is already being sued by the state of New York. And the Trump family is separately being investigated on criminal charges. But this is a new investigation, to find out whether they’re also guilty of tax evasion. Because hey, if you’re going to break the law, you might as well do it bigly.
It puts Diary in mind of the writing, almost a hundred years ago, of the newspaperman HL Mencken, who wrote of the presidency: “As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
Kermit the Toad
As the leader, so the people. Or at least, so Kermit Washington, a former basketball player, who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of charity money on holidays, shopping, and plastic surgery for his girlfriend.
Washington seems to have worked out a complex scam with a friend to get donations to his charity, which he then spent. The plan would have worked if it wasn’t for the fact that Washington was – how can we put this kindly? – an idiot.
Anyway, he got caught, and was given six years in jail. Perhaps we can hope that some world leaders won't be joining him there.
Wait. Is that right? Did we misspeak again?
Any veteran’s charity, by the sound of it
Based on the rhetoric of a recent campaign in the US, it sounds like you could basically chuck a stone in the air, anywhere in the country, and have a good chance that when it came down it would hit a fake veteran’s charity.
There are now so many fraudulent military charities in the states that the Federal Trade Commission, whoever they are, have launched a massive campaign to stop people giving them cash.
It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you have to run a nationwide campaign to stop people giving money to charities. But the number of people at it does sound extraordinary. One bloke managed to raise $11m in three years for a charity which did nothing of any value at all.
What a country.
