The holidays are coming, holidays are coming, football’s coming home! Happy Friday, reader, and Diary hopes you are as excited and confused by the out-of-season timing of the men’s World Cup starting this weekend. Let's get into the spirit by enjoying a round-up of the week's charity news.
A World Cup in November of all months? It just doesn’t feel right. But Diary is more worried about the ethical issues surrounding the event in Qatar, such as the reported migrant worker deaths building the stadiums and the host country’s Draconian LGBTQ laws. For many football fans, the question of whether they should even watch the tournament is a moral dilemma (perhaps worthy of a Twitter poll?). Diary tips its bucket hat to Scotland’s players for taking the moral high ground and boycotting the event by playing so badly they failed to qualify.
Beer gentrifier Brewdog drew criticism from some quarters for its charity-related attempt to strike the right tone in its advertising campaign. The Punks with Purpose announced themselves as the “proud ANTI-sponsor of the World F*Cup” and boldly laid into Qatar, who they accuse of winning the right to host “through bribery”. Its advert encourages similarly-minded consumers to show “two fingers to anyone who thinks a World Cup in Qatar makes sense” by buying a refreshing pint of BrewDog’s Lost Lager, profits from which will go to yet-to-be-decided human rights charities operating in the host country.
We're donating all profits made from Lost Lager sold during the World Cup to causes fighting human rights abuses. pic.twitter.com/5OTA9Gn71G
— BrewDog (@BrewDog) November 7, 2022
Save the world by getting sloshed? That's Diary's kind of fundraising activity. But others were not so impressed and highlighted the fact that the virtue-signalling brand is still selling beer in Qatar and showing the World Cup in its pubs. There have also been numerous accusations of workplace bullying made against the brewer in recent years, undermining its woke credentials. Drat, Diary liked the idea of drinking its way to watching the tournament with a clear conscience.
Unicef ambassador and queue-respecting national treasure David Beckham has also come under fire for his involvement in promoting the World Cup. Comedian Joe Lycett has given Golden Balls until the opening game on Sunday to end his lucrative sponsorship deal with Qatar. If he does, Lycett will donate £10,000 to charities that support queer people in football, but if Becks remains silent, the comedian will shred the lot. Lycett warns Posh spice’s spouse that if he fails to respond: “You'll be forcing me to commit what might be a crime. Although even then, I reckon I'll get off more lightly than I would if I got caught whacking off a lad in Doha.”
https://t.co/FqoC3hSFM8 🌈 pic.twitter.com/EPLVNwmnvV
— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) November 13, 2022
Balls
In other ball-related news, Robin Cancer Trust is planning to beat the Guinness World Record for the world’s largest simultaneous self-check for testicular cancer.
In the event, which is to celebrate International Men’s Day, the Trust plans to have 250 men perform the self-check which would help them break the record, which currently stands at 236.
There is no nudity, as participants will have their hands down their trousers – but it will be filmed from beginning to end, a prospect which unnerves Diary exponentially. The website does not clarify whether the videotape will be burnt afterwards but Diary would strongly advise it.
The record aims to raise awareness of testicular cancer, which if caught early, is 98% curable.
Diary and all of us at CSM Towers hope they beat the record and have a ball doing it.
Vaginas
Is everyone feeling suitably uncomfortable? Then we shall begin.
In more genitalia-based news, the Vagina Museum celebrated King Charles’ birthday the only way they knew how; by recounting the nitty gritty details of his birth. This is not what Diary needed first thing on a Monday morning but alas, this columnist must do their duty for the good people of charity land.
It turns out the King was not, in fact, born via the traditional vagina method, but by C-section. He is a man of no woman born, as old Willy would say. See what Diary did there?
Why it was a C-section the museum did not specify, but this columnist likes to think it was because he came out wearing a crown and holding a sceptre as all royal babies should.
The operation was performed in a guest room in Buckingham Palace which had been turned into a mini-hospital for the birth. Royal tradition meant that a parliamentary official such as the prime minister or home secretary would spectate the birth of a royal child – but this tradition stopped with Charles and no minister was present. I am sure many were pleased by this, not least the Queen, who was otherwise occupied.
In other news
Meanwhile, as the world’s richest man does his best to destroy Twitter, the fourth wealthiest (according to Bloomberg Billionaires Index) has pledged to give “most of” his fortune to charity. Dr Evil lookalike Jeff Bezos has vague plans to give the majority of his $124bn Amazon earnings to good causes, with some sure to go to the Bezos Earth Fund. Many have commented how tricky it is to give away such a large amount of money. Diary often has nightmares about how it will one day distribute its future billions to good causes. Ironically, one of the most-lauded models for billionaire philanthropy is Bezos’ ex-wife Mackenzie Scott. Let’s see if JB has the humility to ask her for advice.
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