Greetings readers. While the title of this column sounds like some sort of seance, rest assured that this is not the case; a haunted painting, baby squirrel and dead cat were all linked to the charity sector this week (however tenuously).
Before we begin, though, Diary must share the joke that was crowned the funniest at Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Comedian Lorna Rose Treen won with the joke: “I started dating a zookeeper – but it turned out he was a cheetah.”
To everyone that ever groans at Diary’s puns, stand assured that they could very well be award-winning.
Granted, they are not (yet), but the possibility is there and Diary should be adored, always.
Haunted charity shop painting
A “possibly cursed” painting of a little girl in a pink dress has been returned twice to a charity shop in St Leonards-on-Sea, according to reports this week.
The lady who first bought the painting returned it after two days after complaining of its bad aura, saying she “had to get rid” of it.
Its second owner returned the painting saying “she never wanted to see the damned thing again”.
The charity shop owner, Steve, said the second owner was “terrified” and “shaky and distressed” upon her return.
Afterwards, the painting was placed in the Hastings Advice Representation Centre charity shop with a note that said: “She’s back!!! Sold twice and returned twice! Are you brave enough???”
Many social media users threatened to use the same phrase on their dating profile.
The little girl in the painting has eyes that stare into your soul, and a rather judgemental expression.
This would be fine if you like that sort of thing, but if the painting was placed in Diary’s bathroom, for example, one would imagine it to be quite an uncomfortable stand-off.
It reminds Diary that Halloween is fast approaching, when eating lots of sweets becomes socially acceptable. Next Friday is the start of autumn, and this columnist proposes having horror film watchalongs to bring in the spooky season.
Diary would diligently take the post of flickering the light switch whenever jumpscares occur.
Dead cats not offensive enough
In a previous column, Diary discussed PETA’s advert that compared eating fish to eating cats with a poster that shifts from a fishmonger holding a fish to a dead-looking cat. (Yes, dead-looking is the technical term).
Some complained about the ad to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), while others said it made them want fish and chips for dinner.
Despite receiving 10 complaints on the ad, ASA cleared the charity of any wrongdoing as they said it promoted the charity’s purpose of veganism.
Diary likes to think that the cat was just sleeping in the arms of a fishmonger.
Baby squirrel adoption
The Scottish Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SSPCA) was called out to collect a rogue baby squirrel that had begun hiding under a hen this week.
Despite the hen being quite chuffed with her bushy-tailed adoption, the charity was called after it was clear the kit was thin and dehydrated.
The baby squirrel is now being looked after by the charity to restore its health before its returned to the wild.
Speaking of which, Diary’s squirrel, who lives near the CSM office, seems to have gone into hiding.
This columnist thinks Squilliam (squirrel-William) is avoiding its biggest fan, who pops out with a camera whenever they are spotted like a hellbent squirrel paparazzi.
If Diary is seen walking around CSM Towers with pockets full of nuts, you know why.
