Bonfire Night: that rather quaint English tradition of pseudo-celebrating the foiling of a plot by a murderous bunch of revolutionaries intent on realinging Protestant Britain with largely Catholic Europe, and kill a sitting monarch in the process.
For most of us it is, at best, an occasion to gather with friends and family to enjoy some fireworks. For the rest of us, it is a time to become increasingly annoyed at the neighbourhood children, setting off their firecrackers at all hours of the day and night, for no ostensible reason whatsoever, other than to irritate and annoy.
Anyway, the point is some people take Bonfire Night more seriously than others. Which brings us to the Kentish town of Edenbridge, where, in the name of charity, the town is set to burn a 20-odd foot high effigy of Boris Johnson to ash.
According to the i, the effigy is resplendent, with Boris’s trademark shaggy, blonde locks, and also features an EU-coloured cake, with a big Union Jack slice missing.
The effect has been completed with the Guy dressed in a bright blue blazer, untucked shirt and [Diary checks its notes] Johnson's patented red and white Hawaiian shorts, which he seems to enjoy jogging in for some awful reason.
The effigy will also wear a rosette, symbolising 90 years since the Edenbridge Bonfire Society was founded.
More than 10,000 people are expected to attend the annual event, with the proceeds going towards an unnamed charity, presumably a local one.
It would be quite something to watch a giant Boris Johnson burn down to cinders in much the same way that he, in his dogged pursuit of all things best for himself, has managed to do to much of the UK. In having his effigy adorn the Edenbridge bonfire, Boris joins a long-list of ‘celebrity’ Guys, including: Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein and Katie Hopkins.
Speaking as we are of burned out, middle-aged Tories, anyone read today that former PM and alleged fan of er, porking pork, David Cameron is looking for another tilt at politics?
There’s no charity angle there. It just makes Diary furious.
Strike! the Fundraising Regulator from your novel
If you’re a journalist, and you read a lot of books, or watch a lot of telly, you get used to a weary exasperation at fictional reporters and the stuff they do. Mostly, it’s amazing how they never seem to actually have to file any copy. Or worry about contempt of court. Or libel.
Anyway, that’s fine. We all know that journalists are fair game for fiction writers, because our job is so glamorous, so we’ll put up with everyone else imagining that they could be us.
One of the most frequent expostulants of lazy fictional journalists is JK Rowling, of Harry Potter fame, who to be fair has had plenty of experience of the tabloids from the other side, and is likely just getting her own back.
Rowling, now she’s downed her pen on Potter, has taken up instead knocking out detective books under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith, about a one-legged private investigator called Cormoran Strike, and his assistant, a blond Yorkshirewoman who looks exactly like a younger version of Rowling herself.
Anyway, the latest book has doubled down on Diary by featuring not just dodgy reporters, but also an investigation into a dodgy charity.
This, Diary finds too much to bear. You come right into our wheelhouse, and ask us to suspend our disbelief?
Diary has to admit to not having finished the book. It’s 640 pages, after all. But Diary feels it might well have been shorter if the protagonists had realised that they could simply ring up the Charity Commission press office and submit a request under the Freedom of Information Act, rather than laboriously uncover all the gen they glean from derring-do over the course of 100 pages. Clearly they’re not subscribed to Civil Society News, which would no doubt have already reported that the regulator was assessing concerns.
Also, just a note. The book’s set in 2012, but makes reference to the Fundraising Regulator. Clearly, it ought to be the Fundraising Standards Board.
Just if you want to get it right for the paperback.
Red Dead Donation
Finally, for the gamers amongst Diary’s readership, a cheeky bit of niche charity fundraising news.
A video game website, owned by British magazine and digital publishing company TI Media, has been forced to apologise and has donated “over £1m to charities” chosen by the one of the companies responsible for developing the new Red Dead Redemption II game, after accidentally publishing confidential documents in an article earlier this year.
Keep in mind that Red Dead Redemption II, which just came out, has been one of the most hotly anticipated games ever made and has sold, quite literally, millions of copies in just over a week since its release.
The article, which first appeared all the way back in February, outlined many secret aspects of the game and the website has since removed the offending article and apologised.
The game developers have chosen, given the Wild West genre of the game in question, the “American Indian College Fund; the American Prairie Reserve and the First Nations Development Fund” as the three charities to which the website can donate their £1m.
That’s a pretty expensive little editorial mistake.
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