Dear English readers, Diary hopes your office was as accommodating as ours this week in screening the Lionesses’ victory over the Matildas.
World Cup fever has sent the country’s opposition parties into overdrive with the Lib Dems calling for morning drinking to be introduced for Sunday’s final and Labour demanding a bank holiday on the Monday to recover.
However, Diary is saddened this week by the news that high street favourite Wilko’s has gone into administration, a store that has reliably satiated this columnist’s pick ‘n’ mix cravings for years on end.
Where will Diary get its fix now? Where else can this columnist go when they need a screwdriver, sweets and a hair dye all at the same time?
A plan must be hatched to save this British icon. Diary has been paging the regulator to add “the provision of an infinite range of goods at affordable prices” as a charitable purpose.
Musk v Zuck fight
In charity tech billionaire news this week, Meta’s Mark Zuckerberg and X’s Elon Musk hotly anticipated fight might not be happening after all.
For those unaware, the public was due to watch on as the social media titans wrestled shirtless in a charity cage match.
Animosity between the pair began when Zuckerberg launched Threads, an alternative to Musk’s social media site formerly known as Twitter.
Musk, famous for thinking through his words and actions, posted that he was “up for a cage match if he [Mark Zuckerberg] is lol”.
What appeared to be a flippant joke became a reality when the Zuck responded with: “Send me location.”
Though an ominous response, it is quite a fitting lexicon for his robotic mannerisms.
While the Facebook founder seemed serious and was pictured training with two UFC fighters, Musk has said that he is due back surgery before he can fight.
Diary would never dare to suggest that the overlord of the former bird-app is wussing out of such a challenge, but Musk’s response certainly sounds a bit like a careful backtrack which could develop into a full-fledged runaway.
He needn’t worry, though. In his own words, he said: “I have this great move that I call ‘the Walrus’, where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.”
Donkey Sanctuary Monopoly
Elsewhere, the Donkey Sanctuary has been advertising its Monopoly board game this week, inspired by the charity.
The classic board game has been redesigned so donkeys feature in every corner. Carrots and straw cards replace chance and community chest cards and donkey faces peak out from the board longing for escape.
Launched in 2019, the game appears to have different silver tokens to play than standard Monopoly. However, none are donkeys. Players can play as a dog, cat, ship, and more but there is not a donkey in sight. Perhaps this was to prevent a fight ensuing over who gets to play the donkey, which was probably wise.
This is a missed opportunity in Diary’s opinion. All eight tokens should be donkeys. Then, when Diary inevitably begins losing, they can take another player’s identical-looking token and begin gaslighting them into thinking they are winning.
Keep the whole family entertained with The Donkey Sanctuary Monopoly Game! 🎲
— The Donkey Sanctuary (@DonkeySanctuary) August 7, 2023
Buy now ➡️ https://t.co/u5vqYWpGTu pic.twitter.com/83ADxyUGEi
Comedian revealed as secret charity painter
Comedian Joe Lycett has donated one of his paintings to a charity event in Shrewsbury called the Secret Artist Sale.
It will be raising money for five charities: Alzheimer’s Society, Breast Cancer Now, Lingen Davies Cancer Fund, Shropshire Wildlife Trust and Severn Hospice.
The idea of the event is that people pay £50 for a piece of art without knowing who the artist is.
But Lycett’s piece will be an exception after the organisers took photos with his painting and announced him as the artist – but as his painting are selling for over £1m elsewhere, can we really blame them?
The comedian’s painting will now go on sale to the highest bidder.
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