Another week has come and gone and, much the like the earth rotates around the sun, so too must Diary rise once more from its weekly hibernation to poke fun at the lighter goings on in the charitable sector.
This week: a rare follow-up story for Diary, a ministerial Christmas carol, Paddington Bear’s on the move, and the UK’s official funniest accountant leads to a surplus of truly terrible financial puns. You’ve been warned…
A tool tale
Return readers of Society Diary may remember that, a few Fridays ago now, this column ran a story about a lovely handyman in Cardiff who, out of the goodness of his heart, was doing a little DIY for a charity shop in the Welsh capital.
He had nipped out to his van, to get something to finish up his job – free of charge, dear reader remember – only to come back and find that his tools had been sold off by the person behind the counter.
Oh we all laughed. Now though, Diary’s got a red-hot follow up to that story which, it must be said, is rare for this column – you know, actually following anything it writes up. Diary prefers to leave follow ups and basic journalistic practice to its editorial colleagues.
Yes, Andrew Bicknel, the handyman in question, has had his tools returned to him. In the words of Lewis Carroll: “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” The only question remains, did Mr Bicknel chortle in his glory?
Anyway, queue the reunion music!
Quote Mr Bricknel: “The Sun newspaper came down to where I was working and took photographs, television crews wanted to film me and I even had an offer to appear on Judge Rinder," he added.
"I'm just waiting for the call to go into the jungle."
One can only guess at The Sun’s take on this however, had they got the 'exclusive interview': ‘Evil charity shop leech flogs hardworking everyman’s livelihood for a quid to fund fat-cat executive salaries and jaunts to Marbella’ or, you know, something similar.
The no-gift that keeps on giving
It’s come to light that our minister for civil society, one Robert ‘Rob’ Wilson MP, was one of only a handful of ministers not to receive a ministerial gift between 1 October and 31 December 2016, according to governmental transparency data.
Poor Rob – did not one of his many satisfied constituents or dutiful charitable sector underlings not think to even send him a little Christmas card, or a decorative four-pack of locally sourced, yuletide ales?
Diary’s going to start a whip-round to rustle up the £8.99 needed to get one of those Comic Relief Ladybird books bought and sent round to Westminster ASAP. It can’t bear the thought that Rob’s Christmas was ruined by the lack of a ministerial gift of any sort.
Joining Rob on this unhappy list was one Matt Hancock, minister of state for digital and culture, aka Rob’s boss. This column knows how much Matt loves all things fusty, old and made from vellum, so perhaps a nice set of ornate, writing quills would be a good gift.
Keep that in mind for this Christmas.
There’s a bear over there, and there, and there
Everyone’s favourite marmalade guzzling, duffel-coat owning, red hat wearing, boot-clad bear who happens to be named after one of London’s largest train stations has, apparently gone missing!
Don't panic though because the Children’s Society have tracked him down. Indeed, Joe Jenkins, director of supporter impact and income at the charity, managed to find Paddington on the platform at Selhurst station. Seems Paddington Bear is a big fan of Crystal Palace football club and, why not, given that he does share a certain, albeit passing, physical similarity to Sam Allardyce.
Children’s Society tweeted that they use Paddington as part of its fundraising appeals about young refugees because “Paddington himself was a refugee” which, is frankly pretty adorable!
Also, the Children’s Society Twitter feeder is now absolutely crawling with bear puns which is wonderful.
Speaking of which, what do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
Jokes you wouldn’t take to the bank
So the Charity Finance Group has launched a drive to find the world's most terrible finance puns, possibly under the hashtag #CFGlee, or #CFTeeHee - who knows. The jokes are truly terrible. Really awful. Worse than bad. And it is certainly not the case that any Diary scribe may have essayed one or two of the more fragrant stinkers.
Just check out @cfgtweets if you want more. (You don't.)
Anyway, although that may seem hard to reconcile, it's good to insure that people in the finance sector have something to laugh at. And you can take that to the bank.
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