Well, life continues, and here we are again, a week later, making our way through life, struggling with a scientific orthodoxy which purports that we serve no higher purpose than simply being elegant mechanisms for reproducing long strings of molecules, spawned by the relentless, meaningless and entirely accidental fissuring of a single ball of chemicals, four billion years ago, in a warm, bubbling pond on a gaseous, asteroid-riven rock, which led to the great chain of evolution, and our modern green, life-teeming world, full of bacteria and archaea and lemurs and alligators and us, inventors of money, literature, and Mr Potato Head.
We all have one fact in common: we are descended from an unbroken line of successful reproducers, and it is ours to decide whether to continue than noble heritage.
One person who hasn’t given up is Piers Morgan, who has had four children and now wishes, in his inimitable way, to instruct other men in what they should do with them. It is this happenstance which has led Society Diary to its theme for the week, which is novelty swimming costumes.
If you want to know how, read on.
Piers Morgan - totally papooseless
Anyway, so Daniel Craig, the actor who plays James Bond and therefore one of the least likely candidates for accidental emasculation, was pictured recently carrying his kid around in a papoose. So far, so what? It’s perfectly reasonable for a man to carry a child, and entirely up to him how he chooses to do so, surely?
Not to Piers. Real men carry kids in their arms, he says.
It’s a source of bafflement how the aforementioned great chain of evolution has led us to the pass where we have to pay attention to the obnoxious splutterings of this strange, pink-faced individual, but it seems we do.
Anyway, Judge Rinder and Louise Redknapp, who were questioned together on the issue, for reasons which quite escape Diary – possibly to do with Strictly Come Dancing; who knows? – have both committed to donate £1,000 to charity if Morgan wears a papoose and a green mankini at some event or other.
Morgan, needless to say, has declined. But he has coughed up £2,000 of his own to their chosen charity – which one is not recorded – so that’s a win.
Gold speedos
You have to feel for Simon Harris. He set off from Brighton beach on a sponsored swim round the pier to raise money for charity, and someone nicked his clothes.
Quite what he went home after the aforementioned swim, in 2015, in is not recorded, but it has not deterred him. He’s not afraid to get back in the water, and is taking on a new 5k swim for to raise cash to fight cerebral palsy, this time in a pair of novelty gold speedos. It’s reported in the local rag, the Argus, complete with images which, once seen, cannot be unseen. Diary will leave you to track them down yourself.
